The Wait For The Last Jedi

Well, it’s that time of the year again, when my subdivision streets become a skating rink and I wonder what I’m doing with tires instead of blades on my car (would rims work the same?).

It’s also [almost] time for Star Wars!

Obviously, you’re excited. Who isn’t? So, I without spoiling anything [I hope], I’ll just share a few thoughts. The Last Jedi will clearly take place during a battle between First Order AT-ATs and Resistance speeders; I mean, that’s on the poster. Rey will lose a hand. And, we’ll finally know that Luke is her father. Kylo will extend his hand and an offer for her to join him, “Join me, Rey, and together we can rule the galaxy as cousins. Platonically. This isn’t Game of Thrones.” Oh, and we’ll see more of the Finn and Poe bromance, with one of them, probably, getting put into carbon freeze for the other to save.

Sure, some people don’t want Rey to be Luke’s daughter, after all, that would tarnish his ideal Jedi status. He wouldn’t hold to the tenants of the Old Jedi Order, the same reasons why his father fell to the Dark Side; on the other hand, how will the galaxy restore its Jedi Order if the only Jedi left doesn’t have kids?

Besides, Star Wars is the story of the Skywalker family. The originals follow Luke and his journey to become a Jedi. The prequels follow Anakin and his journey to become Darth Vader. The sequels should follow Rey and her legacy whether dark or light is yet to be seen. It makes sense…at least from a storyteller’s perspective.

Not everyone’s okay with that, though. Some want her to be the daughter of Obi-Wan, but that runs into the same problems as Luke except that Obi-Wan actually was part of the Old Jedi Order. Others want her to be the daughter of Palpatine. There are even those who think she might be Anakin reincarnated. And some just want her to be a random Force-sensitive.

I just hope that when Rey becomes the last Jedi, we’ll finally know once and for all how Luke got such an impressive beard by staring at the ocean for so long.

There are a lot of theories, speculations, and rumors floating around. Especially circulating Rey’s parentage. All those aside, however, I have a favorite fan theory, I think everyone should root for; of course, I mean that Jar Jar Binks is actually Snoke.

So, none of that may be true. Some of that might be. Mostly, we won’t know anything concrete until after the movie premieres.

I just know that after this weekend, there won’t be any hope of avoiding Star Wars spoilers. The internet will be teeming with reactions [both positive and negative] for The Last Jedi. Enjoy it when you can and stay away from the interwebs until you see it…if you can.

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One, Two, Three, Four, Thanos Declares an Infinity War

By now, I’m sure everyone’s seen the trailer for Marvel’s Avengers Infinity War. But, if you haven’t, here it is:

You’re welcome.

There are plenty of videos and articles detailing the significant and insignificant details and Easter eggs hidden and revealed throughout the trailer. But, of course, the best part was seeing all the heroes and anti-heroes (and even a few villains) returning to fight against (or alongside?) Thanos.

We’ll get to see my favorite character, but I can’t tell you who it is because that would be a huge spoiler [for those who don’t know, I have a history of liking a character the most only to have them die {why couldn’t you have liked Jar Jar Binks?}].

But, Cap gets a shield (and a beard), Bucky gets a gun (and a new arm), Iron Man gets, um, electricity…? Yeah, not really sure. And Thor hitchhikes across the galaxy with Starlord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, Groot, and Mantis. Plus a whole host of other characters show up (Vision even looks like a person, though his forehead still glows).

It’s just…it’s just… a little sad. I’m all right. I’ll be okay.

I don’t know guys, we’re coming to the end of an era. Three hundred films later, the main cast we’re familiar with is only contracted for one more Avengers film…I think, and who knows what Marvel’s Phase 4 will look like. I could just be Ant-Man playing SimAnt (no one remembers that reference).

In case you needed to know how DC feels about Marvel.

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Frodo Comes to the Rainforest

Guys, I’m torn. On the one hand The Lord of the Rings will be a series on Amazon. On the other hand, it probably won’t have any of the original movie cast.

Okay, so why do we even need a LotR series on Amazon? Aren’t there already super long movies that are stupendous and excellently capture the vision of J.R.R. Tolkien? Wouldn’t Amazon have been better off creating a series that people want? Like something new (or a 100% book accurate Harry Potter {because everyone wants that [true]}).

To be fair, there probably are a few things not in the movies that were in the original books, but Peter Jackson only had 4 hours for each movie. He couldn’t put everything in. Some things were left out on purpose, no doubt. I’m looking at you Tom Bombadil. Sure, the weird, singing giant dude has his fans, but I never really fancied him. I was more of a Boromir…well, until *spoiler removed*.

Obviously, Amazon felt that the romance between Faramir and Eowyn was given short shrift and they want to do it justice. They want to see Sam sail off into the Undying Lands with Frodo (to continue their bromance). It’s just a chance to fill in a few of the places the movies left out.

Basically, Amazon is just going to add footage to the movies. I’m pretty sure. Maybe with a look-a-like cast.

Image result for thor ragnarok matt damon

From followingthenerd.com {nailed it}

Boom. Prediction down. Now we wait and see how accurate I am. I might need to go to Vegas…maybe I’ll wait for the results of this little gamble first.

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A Hogwarts Haiku

I really think there’s a niche market for J.K. Rowling to expand her Hogwarts universe with poetry. Especially during House Pride Week … I’m sure that’s a thing at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Or, maybe just the daily sorts of chants you might hear across tables in the Great Hall during meals. Or, and this could be wishful thinking, how the students talk on the regular.

Disclaimer: I don’t know if any of these count at Haikus or not, I just liked the way it sounded with both words beginning with the letter H.

Also, these are listed in the order they appear in the Sorting Hat’s song from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (also known as alphabetical).

Gryffindor:

This Gryffindor has great friends and wants Gryffinmore. I drank too much, I’m on the Gryffinfloor. Our House is brave and daring, hear our Gryffinroar.

Hufflepuff:

 

This Hufflepuff ate too much and is Hufflestuffed. I talked too much, my voice is Hufflerough (or Hufflegruff). Our House is just and true, we’re Huffletough.

Ravenclaw:

This Ravenclaw loves to Ravendraw. I love to laugh, I Ravenguffaw. Our House is witty and wise, our word is Ravenlaw …as far as answers go in the classroom.

Slytherin:

This Slytherin has a Slythertwin. I love all my Slytherkin. Our House is cunning and ambitious, we always Slytherwin.

Bonus:

  1. If you ask Lucius Malfoy, he’d say the Weasleys are Gryffinpoor.
  2. Coming late to the Quidditch Pitch, “What’s the Gryffinscore?”
  3. Two students at a lame ball, “This party is a Gryffinsnore.” “You mean a Gryffinbore.”
  4. To a sixth year, “You need to shave. Get rid of that Hufflefluff.”
  5. Working out in the weight room, “I’m going to get Hufflebuff.”
  6. Walking in the corridors, after leave Hagrid’s Care of Magical Creatures class, “Guess what I just Ravensaw.”
  7. Getting dressed in the morning, “I can’t find my Ravenbra.”
  8. My favorite metal is Slythertin.
  9. Whale watching, “Look, a Slytherfin!”

Man, those jokes made me Slythergrin.

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How to Watch Stranger Things

Netflix’s Stranger Things is a great mix of horror, nerd references, and nostalgia for the 80’s. Season 2 dropped just in time to bring a little extra terror to your Halloween. Here it is, your definitive guide on how to properly watch Stranger Things (a little late to the party).

 

  1. Lock the doors and bar the windows
  2. Turn on the lights
  3. Check flashlight batteries
  4. Find a trusty weapon
  5. Huddle under a warm blanket
  6. Find a good group of friends too watch with
  7. Have Netflix

That’s it. Pretty simple. Just remember to keep a nightlight in your room to warn you when the demi-gorgon draws near. And, never keep strange pets from the upside-down. Ever. Burn them with fire. Always. Because we’re not stupid.

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