Advice from the {Dystopian} Future

{Maybe you’re looking around right now and wondering if there’s any hope left. Maybe you think that any day now, the world will devolve into chaos and anarchy. I’m hear to tell you, you’re right.}

Image result for dystopian

It’s not that bad {yet} (wait, isn’t that just a generic city?).

If reading science fiction books and comics and watching sci-fi movies and television shows has taught me anything, it’s the humans can change the environment. The real question is, how can you take steps to implement what I’ve learned (and help avoid a dystopian future)?

  • Invent CO2 scrubbers. Every technologically advanced city or city-planet has them. How could Coruscant survive without them? How does New York City? We need someone to invest time into inventing them ASAP (or, plant more trees).
Image result for coruscant

Coruscant, the jewel of the galaxy (wait, isn’t the “jewel of the galaxy” Corellia?) {looks more like the Death Star}

  • Cull the weak. The more people, the more mouths to feed, the more Carbon Dioxide leaks into the air. Listen, as a survivor, you need to think about your survival first. Once you’re set, you can begin to help others. Unfortunately, you can only help so many, the rest…well, they’re on their own {and, people take up space that’s needed for trees and wildlife} (or, just be nicer to people and share; you might be surprised how willing they are to share with you, too).
  • Teach your beloved family pet to help you hunt wild game {Dogs may be man’s best friend, but they aren’t helping Mother Nature}. You’ll need someone you can count on and, as long as you keep Fido fed, your dog will be a much needed loyal companion to stave off loneliness and hunger as you scavenge the wastelands of Old ‘Merica {as an added bonus, you’ve got a buffet walking beside you (no one eats dog…anymore)}.
Image result for dystopian dog

(Look at the face) {The face of a killer}

  • Stockpile anything and everything useful {weapons, food, gas} (and live in an underground bunker?).
Image result for bunker

Home sweet home in 2019

Okay, so that got a little off the rails there. Sorry. My inner conspiracy theorist took over. Here’s the thing: {the end it night} we’ve all got a part to play {some are meat and some are butchers [don’t listen to the inane ramblings]}. By taking responsibility now, we can ensure a better at least do a little better than many might fear.

Posted in Humor, Nerdiness, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Summer of Sun

This is the time of year when us white folk really shine. Summer sunlight pricks our delicate skin and leaves us radiant. Like a tomato on the vine or freshly bleached undershirt.

Image result for arwen light

Don’t stare directly at her skin

The only thing worse than walking outside in shorts for the first time is walking outside the day after.

Image result for sunburn

And you though your friends were mean

The truth is, as much as I enjoy summer, sunshine, and s’mores, I really can’t do anything without sunscreen (zinc oxide?).

Image result for sunscreen spf 1000

My protection of choice (or just don’t go outside)

Sitting in the coolness of air conditioning, I wonder why anyone would risk going outside and interacting with the harmful rays of our yellow sun.

Related image

If only we were all so lucky

But, the rewards can be great [not super powers], the unfiltered access to nature in all its beauty (unless you have allergies).

Enjoy the sunlight responsibly, friends.

Posted in Humor, Nerdiness | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

How to Drive Like Magneto

Sometimes I think it’s good that I’m not Magneto. Don’t get me wrong, manipulating magnetic fields would be awesome; I’d just abuse it. For example, every time someone drives into a parking lot and exits to skip a red light, I think “Man, with a flick of his wrist, Magneto could flip that car” or “By closing his fist, Magneto could crush that engine block”.

Sure, it might be vindictive (and petty), but it’d feel good in the moment. Right? And isn’t that the point of mutant powers? To do what’s best for you?

Image result for magneto

He’s all about the good vibrations

So, that’s why, it’s probably best for everyone that I don’t have any sort of extraordinary abilities. The toll on the roads would be catastrophic. On the plus side, I’d never have to worry about rush hour, I’d just shove cars aside in my race for freedom. The side of the road would look like a post-apocalyptic future: cars littered everywhere.

Image result for bruce almighty car

What’s the point of superpowers if they don’t benefit you?

Whenever I wanted, I could do whatever I wanted [as long as bending metal was involved] and no one could stop me…unless the X-Men crawled out of the woodwork comic book pages then I’d be in for a world of hurt. And I’d find myself locked in a plastic prison with an old, bald guy as my only visitor.

So, I suppose there are worse things than waiting in traffic or at a red light. Not many, but getting beaten up by the X-Men definitely tops that list.

Posted in Humor, Nerdiness | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wonder Woman Rises

Before I went to see Wonder Woman, I had already heard it heralded as the best of the latest DC movies (not exactly setting a high bar there). After I saw it, I agreed. Diana, Princess of Themyscira, entered [re-entered] the Snyder-verse with a bang. And, hopefully, setting a new tone for the dark and gritty world.

To be fair, Wonder Woman is set during World War I, so there are plenty of dark, gritty moments, but there’s also hope and compassion to underscore the action. At its heart, the movie takes nothing away from Diana Prince, allowing her to become the heroine of her tale, and leaves plenty of room for Steve Trevor to support her and shine in his own right.

Image result for wonder woman gal gadot

Climbing out of the ashes of the DC movie universe, Wonder Woman stands as champion over them all.

The movie isn’t perfect, but it’s a step in the right direction, I think, for DC. There was enough plot to keep the action engaging. Enough action to keep the characters moving, and enough heart to propel the story to greater heights than any of the previous three movies before it.

Wonder Woman doesn’t shy away from the ancient Greek mythology linked to Diana’s origin. It doesn’t shy away from the horrors of war or how humanity can become corrupted not just be gods and monsters but by each other and our own lust for power.

Even better, Wonder Woman stood alone. It wasn’t just a vessel to propel the greater arc of DC’s next movie, Justice League [though, I did catch a trailer for it during the previews].

If you’re going to see one DC movie in your life, watch The Dark Knight. If you’re going to see two, watch the original Superman [it’s a classic]. If you’re going to see three…well, Wonder Woman is definitely top 5 (far, far above Man of Steel, Batman vs. Superman, or Suicide Squad). It can stand toe-to-toe with some of the better superhero movies out there.

And, in case you’re curious, there isn’t a post credits scene. But, don’t take my word for it {or the fact that it crushed it at the box office}, audiences and critics alike love it. So, what are you waiting for? Check it out for yourself (if you’re so inclined).

Posted in Nerdiness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Turns Out, I’m Still Afraid of the Dark

Monday must be our day to lose power. We lost power last week Monday [or was it Tuesday? I can’t remember. Let’s say it was Monday, otherwise, this article doesn’t work as well] and again this morning. I guess, that’s what happens when your entire neighborhood doesn’t pay their electric bills.

I’m sure, as an association, we decided at the last meeting [not that go to any] to not pay our bills. Water. Electricity. Heat*.

It wasn’t because I decided to turn on all the lights in the house, play my computer, XBox 360, XBox One, and watch cable, crank my A/C down to 60, start my shield generator, and try to revive Frankenstein’s Monster. Definitely not that.

Image result for frankenstein

Don’t ask where to get cadavers, I don’t really know. [I just borrowed the monster to revive it as a gift for the good doctor]. 

It’s probably just the universe’s way of kicking my butt into gear and facing my fear of the dark. Sure, you might think it’s weird. No one’s afraid of the dark anymore. Not since cellphones come equipped with flashlights and we hardly look away from our phones. In fact, most people probably enjoy the night; it’s the only time they get to sleep and charge their phones. A win-win.

I swear, if I had eyes like Riddick in Pitch Black, I wouldn’t be afraid of the dark either. …Unless I was actually on that desert planet (you mean M6-117) with those Velociraptor-scorpion-dragon-things (um, they’re called Bioraptors. Hello). Not fun.

Image result for riddick eyes

Pretty cool, right?

But, at least now, I understand why every house needs at least one bathroom with windows.

Image result for black

Shower Selfie!

The one day I look good in front of a mirror. [But, seriously, if you struggle with self-image, you should check out Beauty Beyond Bones, an awesome blog devoted to body positivity amidst the turmoil of real life].

*In no way should this post be construed as condoning not paying your bills {or your taxes}. I’ve no idea how people lived before internet and cable. They must’ve gone outside *shudder*. Or used their imagination (which, some people are convinced is a figment of the imagination).

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment