Must’ve Been a Slow Day in the Newsroom

A lot of the news articles floating around the internet make me wonder if SNL, The Onion, or other humor outlets are, in fact, in charge of writing articles. I’m not talking about click-bait titles, headlines, and descriptions meant to shock, anger, or arouse. Those are everywhere. I suppose I just find myself wishing there really was fake news and false facts.

And, it doesn’t just come from events in Washington, D.C. (thank goodness).

Here are a just few snippets:

So, sure, life may not be all guns and roses…wait, that’s not right…sunshine and rainbows? but at least you’ve stayed out of the news [I assume].

Sorry if I dragged you back into it. You were probably having a great week, hoping to go into the holiday weekend without reading the paper, watching an anchor, or listening to a host discuss any sort of news. I know, I just blast tunes on my commute to work and stay unplugged and unconnected from the everyday by reading (playing video games {and losing}), but some people prefer other forms of entertainment (like Pandora instead of Sirius?).

 

 

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I Guess Showbiz Really Is A Harsh Mistress

This past weekend was pretty crazy, many television stations announced which shows they were keeping and which they weren’t (it was also Mother’s Day {hope no one forgot [I got cookies from my mom (that’s not how that’s supposed to work [well, this fat kid didn’t ask questions, I just took the cookies and ran, screaming, “Thank you!” and trying not to choke on the mouthful of chocolate chipy goondess])]}).

Some shows were surprisingly cut. But, none more so than ABC’s second-highest rated comedy, Last Man Standing (only behind Modern Family in ratings)…at least according to its fans [who, apparently, are calling for a boycott; me, I just hope the show can find a new home on a new station].

Tim Allen’s hit wasn’t the only show on the chopping block. Many shows got the ax. Including a few rookie shows that might’ve held promise, APB and Frequency. Some shows that had (mostly) run their course, Bones and Grimm.

Of course, many shows weren’t voted off the island. Some, like The Big Bang Theory, had immunity (which is great news considering that cliffhanger {which won’t fully resolve until the end of season 11…or 12}). Others, like The Flash, Arrow, Supergirl, and Legends of Tomorrow, formed alliances to better their chances of remaining safe.

For the curious, here‘s a long and exhaustive list. Fingers crossed your favorite show(s) made the cut.

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How to (Not) Guard a Galaxy, Volume 2

Well, here we are Monday morning, the day after opening weekend for Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2. And everyone’s wondering the same thing: how did it perform in the box office?

Pretty spanking good. To the tune of $145 million domestic ticket sales. But, really, how was it? Right? Isn’t that the real story? Sure, the movie could make a lot of money, but is it just on name recognition and branding.

I can hear you say it, “It’s all marketing at this point. Marvel rolls out another movie and nerds trek to the theater to stay connected with the ever expanding universe” (what a mouthful).

First, let me just say that, I think, Guardians of the Galaxy had almost no expectations. Marvel took a risk on relatively unknown characters. Peter Quill isn’t a household name like Captain America, Clark Kent, or James Tiberius Kirk. No one knew what to do with Rocket, Groot, Gamora, or Drax. But people went to see it {because it was a Marvel movie and part of the MCU}. But, it was great. Top 5 of the current MCU movies.

Unfortunately, to me, Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2 suffers a bit because of that (just ask Joss Whedon how difficult the sequel can be). There was a lot of hype surrounding it, there was a lot of story put into it, and there was a lot the fans wanted to get out of it.

It’s still worth seeing. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just… not as good as the first one.

Time for me to change my address and hide for a while.

Nebula returns and gets some redemption. Peter meets his dad. Rocket has a great arc (and awesome tech gadgets). Yondu becomes a character we want to see more of and root for. Drax steals the show with great jokes. Mantis adds a bit of innocence and weirdness to a movie that takes place in a weird universe. Gamora has great fight sequences. And, of course, Baby Groot (’nuff said).

Image result for baby groot

Hey, BG.

 

The success of the movie isn’t in question. It’s impact and link to the MCU is still unraveling. That said, to yourself a favor and go see it. Even if it’s just to know how Stan Lee fits into the MCU this time around.

And, as always, don’t forget to sit through the credits. There’s 5 post-credit scenes to see. Not kidding.

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Star Wars Days

The next two days are a celebration of all things Star Wars. Dust off your LARPing gear, polish your card sleeves, and prepare to expand your universe.

Today, let’s revel in all things light side. Bath in the glow of blue and green lightsabers (and a single purple one). Maybe debate the merits [or writing] of the movies.

Let your inner nerd become your external geek.

But, maybe you’re not convinced, you’re not familiar with the reference (or the internet), or you just don’t like Star Wars (those people don’t exist).

Image result for star wars how i met your mother meme

Truth.

It’s a sad fact, however, that some people actually prefer the dark side. They think that The Empire Strikes Back is a better movie than Return of the Jedi.

And that’s okay…they can have their own day, too. Tomorrow.

Whether you enjoy the light side or the dark, you have to admit that there’s been an awakening in popularity [or at least, a lessening of the stigma surrounding loving] Star Wars and all the awesomeness it entails.

So, dust off your old Lucas Arts video games, have a movie marathon, or just wander around town in dark robes.

I’m still hoping to see some of my favorite legends will make the leap to canon. If Thrawn can do it, there’s hope for Kyle Katarn, Mara Jade, and/or Tycho Celchu.

Image result for thrawn rebels

He’s waiting for his friends comrades minions to join him.

May the 4th be with you. And, if I don’t see you tomorrow, enjoy the revenge of the 5th.

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The Movie Season is Upon Us (in Earnest)

I can’t believe movie season is almost here. I know what you’re thinking, “It’s still too cold”, “School’s not out yet”, and “Wait, what happened to summer?”. There are plenty of movies to look forward, but I doubt I’ll see them all. Who knows? Maybe I’ll make it out to one or two dozen showings before the end of the year.

We’ve already had LoganBeauty and the Beast, Lego Batman, Ghost in the Shell, and The Fate of the Furious. Is there anything else even worth seeing? Well, unless you’ve been living under a rock [like me], there just might be something to tickle your fancy.

  1. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2
    • Image result for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

      Release date: May 5

    • Who isn’t excited for the continuing adventures of Peter Quill (Starlord, man, come on), Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and baby Groot? The first one was awesome and hilarious. The trailers make the second seem to be more of the same.
  2. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
    • Image result for king arthur legend of the sword

      Release date: May 12

  3. Baywatch
    • Image result for baywatch

      Release date: May 25

    • Actually looks pretty funny…from the trailers (those may be the only jokes in the movie {that’d be sad}).
  4. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
    • Image result for pirates of the caribbean dead men tell no tales

      Release date: May 26

    • Will we finally see how the ships got into the bottles? Or how to get them out? Who are the weird, pale pirates? Why aren’t more people excited?
  5. Wonder Woman
    • Image result for wonder woman poster

      Release date: June 2

    • A lot is riding on Diana’s shoulders. Will this be DC’s version of Captain America: First Avenger (No. This is WWI, Cap is WWII)? Will this turn around DC’s cinematic skid? Why does Diana shave her armpits?
  6. Captain Underpants
    • Image result for captain underpants movie

      Release date: June 2

    • How will it fair against Wonder Woman? Which will parents choose to see (drop off the kids at one and go see the other)?
  7. The Mummy
    • Image result for the mummy 2017 poster

      Release date: June 9

    • Tom Cruise plays a relic hunter. Sofia Boutella (Jaylah from Star Trek Beyond) is the reincarnated title character. Maybe the mummy will finally win?
  8. Cars 3
    • Image result for cars 3

      Release date: June 16

  9. Despicable Me 3
    • Image result for despicable me 3

      Release date: June 30

  10. Transformers: The Last Knight
    • Image result for transformers the last knight

      Release date: July 3

    • I know, I know, another Transformers movie. My burning question is: Will the Dinobots return (the only one asking it)?
  11. Spider-Man: Homecoming
    • Image result for spider-man homecoming

      Release date: July 5

    • We’ll finally see Spider-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe…oh wait. He’ll finally have his own stand-alone movie…oh wait. Well, at least his first appearance [in Civil War] was good and gives hope of what Homecoming could be.
  12. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Image result for valerian and the city of a thousand planets

Release date: July 21

 

  1. Blade Runner 2049
    • Image result for blade runner 2049

      Release date: October 6

    • The question everyone’s dying to know: Will Harrison Ford make a cameo?
  2. Thor: Ragnarok
    • Image result for thor ragnarok

      Release date: November 3

      Release date: November 3

    • Unfortunately, Thor gets a haircut (and has to fight in a gladiatorial arena run by Dr. Ian Malcom). Fortunately, he meets his best buddy The Hulk. Obviously, mayhem and hijinks ensue. Looks to be epically hilarious (…unless the retro-Stark Trek Wrath of Khan color scheme on the title sequence is any indication of what’s to come {Hulk saves the day, but dies; admits he’s always been Thor’s bff?}).
  3. The Dark Tower
    • Image result for the dark tower movie

      Release date: November 4

    • Stephen King’s epic fantasy series finally comes to the big screen.
  4. Murder on the Orient Express
    • Image result for murder on the orient express 2017

      Release date: November 10

  5. Justice League
    • Image result for justice league

      Release date: November 17

    • Is it fair to ask if anyone’s going? Maybe it’ll depend on how good Wonder Woman is.
  6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
    • Image result for star wars episode viii

      Release date: December 15

    • Christmas can’t come soon enough. The first official trailer was enough to get questions rolling and excitement building. Will we finally see the end of the Jedi Order? Will Luke shave his beard? Can the Resistance survive on Hoth?
  7. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
    • Image result for jumanji

      Release date: December 20

    • Sure, you might be worried that it’s another remake (or another Dwayne Johnson movie this year), but it might be good. I say give it a chance. I know Whovians will […as long as they liked Amy Pond].
  8. Pitch Perfect 3
    • Image result for pitch perfect 3

      Release date: December 22

Summer looks pretty jam-packed (there’s still time to take vacations in August). Without much pause for the kids to really settle into the school year, however, we leap right back into the action. Strap in kids, it’s going to be wild (also, don’t forget to do your homework. Failing grades won’t let you see Star Wars).

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