A Hogwarts Haiku

I really think there’s a niche market for J.K. Rowling to expand her Hogwarts universe with poetry. Especially during House Pride Week … I’m sure that’s a thing at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Or, maybe just the daily sorts of chants you might hear across tables in the Great Hall during meals. Or, and this could be wishful thinking, how the students talk on the regular.

Disclaimer: I don’t know if any of these count at Haikus or not, I just liked the way it sounded with both words beginning with the letter H.

Also, these are listed in the order they appear in the Sorting Hat’s song from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (also known as alphabetical).


This Gryffindor has great friends and wants Gryffinmore. I drank too much, I’m on the Gryffinfloor. Our House is brave and daring, hear our Gryffinroar.



This Hufflepuff ate too much and is Hufflestuffed. I talked too much, my voice is Hufflerough (or Hufflegruff). Our House is just and true, we’re Huffletough.


This Ravenclaw loves to Ravendraw. I love to laugh, I Ravenguffaw. Our House is witty and wise, our word is Ravenlaw …as far as answers go in the classroom.


This Slytherin has a Slythertwin. I love all my Slytherkin. Our House is cunning and ambitious, we always Slytherwin.


  1. If you ask Lucius Malfoy, he’d say the Weasleys are Gryffinpoor.
  2. Coming late to the Quidditch Pitch, “What’s the Gryffinscore?”
  3. Two students at a lame ball, “This party is a Gryffinsnore.” “You mean a Gryffinbore.”
  4. To a sixth year, “You need to shave. Get rid of that Hufflefluff.”
  5. Working out in the weight room, “I’m going to get Hufflebuff.”
  6. Walking in the corridors, after leave Hagrid’s Care of Magical Creatures class, “Guess what I just Ravensaw.”
  7. Getting dressed in the morning, “I can’t find my Ravenbra.”
  8. My favorite metal is Slythertin.
  9. Whale watching, “Look, a Slytherfin!”

Man, those jokes made me Slythergrin.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor, Nerdiness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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