I’m Not Chill (No One’s Surprised)

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to be chill, but you were super-hyped instead? No? Well then, welcome to my brain.

Thankfully, I don’t spend every moment analyzing, re-analyzing, and over-analyzing every thing I say and do. It’s only specific things or situations.

Social media is a great help hindrance. It’s easy to read someone’s status and think, “Is that about me?” Hard to know without asking. Yet, why confirm it with the person when I can just assume, right? It’s easier to find hurt when none was meant. Is it better to remain ignorant (it is bliss)? I mean, if I don’t ask, I can just pretend it was meant for someone else that way I don’t confirm my suspicions {most people will tell you if they posted something about you [um, the internet can be pretty passive aggressive (it can also be aggressive aggressive)]}.

Personally, I’ve found that the only way for me to stop thinking about something is to push it completely away. Make myself so uncool that people can’t stand me and leave. It’s pretty simple and rolls right into my ideology that people leave.

But, here’s the question: Do they leave or do I just push them away, forcing them out?

So, how do you remain chill when the situation calls for it, but you’re shaking like a chihuahua amped up on sugar and caffeine? No idea. {Take a breath. Focus yourself and compose your thoughts. Be in the moment.}

I miss the opportunities that come up often because I’m too concerned about how someone else might perceive me. Instead of saying what’s on my mind or doing the right/cool/confident/nice thing, I just allow the opportune moments to pass. Then I scramble to pick up the pieces and hope I didn’t mess things up too badly that I can’t put the puzzle back together. Even when all I have is a handful of pieces and no box to compare them to.

I’m not quite as talented at extracting my foot from my mouth as I am at placing it there in the first place.

Oh well. I guess today’s another day. Best to focus on being the man I want to be rather than the mistakes I made yesterday. We’ll see how that goes.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
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