Why Don’t I Have A Six Pack?

Summer is fast approaching.  Soon, everyone will be out of school and it’ll be bathing suit season.  We’ll frolic and play the California way walking in a summer wonderland (wow, that was awful).  Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that I won’t be ready with a sultry summer body in time.

There are, of course, many reasons for this.

  1. Ice Cream
    Who doesn’t love a good, cool treat after a long, hot day?  …Or a cold day or a rainy day or twice on Sunday?
  2. Pizza
    No explanation needed.  Sidenote: I heard that people grill pizza.  Combining the best of both worlds: summer and pizza. (If it gets you outside.)
  3. Lack of exercise
    Obviously, no one has time to actually workout; going to the gym takes time away from working on my tan (read: pasty complexion) and lounging in a hammock.
  4. Chocolate
    Who can say no to a sweet morsel of the nectar of the gods…or a whole bar or a whole package of bars?
  5. Oreos
    (Anyone else seeing a pattern?)  They come in convenient one-sitting sleeves [wait, no one else eats them one sleeve at a time?].
  6. I’m just don’t drink that much beer
    (Another awful pun) My brother though…
  7. There are too many good books to read
  8. There’s always another writing project to complete after finishing the last one
  9. I’m really lazy
  10. Did I mention ice cream?
    All the same nutrients as kale…right?  [Maybe I’m confusing kale with something else…milk? lettuce? lard?  Something.]

Honestly, who needs dazzlingly white teeth, bulging muscles, and flat abs (actors, models, celebrities…)?  Give me a sundae over exercise any day of the week.  Three nice scoops of ice cream, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce, butterscotch sauce, chocolate chips, sprinkles, chopped nuts, Oreo cookie crumbles, …excuse me, my mouth’s watering.  I need to satisfy this ice cream craving.  Don’t judge, it’s five o’clock somewhere (that’s not even what that means).

About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
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