The Third Party Option

Liking a politician is a lot like drinking warm milk, no one enjoys it and we wonder if we’ll catch something.

This year might be the best chance for a third party candidate since Ross Perot.  I know what you’re thinking, “Is it viable?”  Well, if America is to be believed, we have no good candidates.  Of course, politicians make lawyers likable (went for the low hanging fruit).

Let’s take a second to break it down.  If you’re a registered Republican and you vote third party, you’re basically voting for Hillary or Bernie.  If you’re a registered Democrat and you vote third party, you’re basically voting for Trump or Cruz.  If you’re not party affiliated, vote wherever you want, no one cares {That’s why you can’t vote in some state primaries, coughNewYorkcough (that’s not fair {but party jumping is? [Easy. Just take a breath and relax.  This is a family blog…as in, only my family reads it]})}.  […Maybe I should look into other candidates…eventually…nah.]

However, how likely is that all of America is fed up with politicians?  Very.

How likely are all Americans to vote for the same third party candidate?  I’ll let you ponder of that one a while.

We all know who I’m voting for…a cartoon fox.  So, already, I’m skewing the numbers against a united third party front.  Unless, they have cookies (that’s the Dark Side [cake? muffins? donuts?]).

Clearly, I’m not above pastry bribes (who is?).

And, after last week, it’s looking more and more likely that it’ll be Hillary vs. Trump.  I’m sure the rest of the world is collectively facepalming right now (or thinking we’re getting exactly what we deserve).

UN 2017: “Seriously, America?”

Honestly, I don’t even know who to choose.  All the options are bad.  I’m still waiting for a real candidate to appear.  Looks like the best option is to pull a Neegan.  Anyone know the best way to wrap barbwire around a baseball bat?*  (With a glove [well, obviously…])

When we can say, “[…T]hat’s one of the many great shames of this whole awful election season. The Democrats are about to serve up one of the weakest, most vulnerable, most baggage-laden, most corrupt, most despised, most viscerally off-putting candidates in American history, and how will the Republicans respond? By rummaging through the sewers and extracting the one single person in the country who could manage to be even weaker, more vulnerable, more baggage-laden, more corrupt, more despised and more viscerally off-putting. It’s been a race to the bottom, and Republicans are winning.“, you know where America is headed.

Look, I don’t honestly care who you vote for.  Are you Bernie or Bust?  Write him in.  Trump or Nothing? Write him in.  At the end of November 3rd, Bernie will have between 48 and 52% of the Democrat votes and Hillary with have the remainder.  Trump will have 35-65% of the Republican votes and Cruz will have the remainder.  Where will that leave America?  With the candidate we deserve.

If anything has become clear this election cycle, it’s just how inane the election year is.  Not only is America more polarized than ever along political party lines, the news continually blasts us with overwhelming rubbish about each candidate.  If the candidate is a bad choice or a good choice, discuss their policies and their character flaws, but let America decide based on facts not conjecture and polling number [which, largely, don’t mean anything].

I mean, I’m pretty sure Obama has one of the lowest approval ratings in presidential history and Trump is already below that and Hillary is hovering pretty close to it…and that’s before either is even elected officially the party’s candidate.  It’s rare for presidential approval ratings to increase once the politician takes office.  Just saying.

You want a crook? Fine.  You want a liar? Fine.  You want an outsider? Fine.  You want a corporate insider? Fine.  You want…well, whomever you want, I’m sure at least one of the candidates will pander to your demographic.  But, please, vote on the issues not on the color of a candidates skin or the gender they represent or their hair color or what makeup they use or the designer brand they wear or what kind of limo drives them around or how many Secret Service agents follow them around or what color is their favorite or what number they love best etc.

*For pointing purposes only.  In no way am I condoning violence…except, maybe, against the undead {so, liberals? (I find that offensive {of course you do.  You’d find a drawing of Thanksgiving offensive (did you use a red crayon for the Native Americans? {I bought the 8 pack…there are only 8 colors (well, let’s raise the minimum wage so you can afford better crayons {that’s not even–[I think we should leave and allow these two to settle their differences in private…hopefully it won’t end like a hockey playoff game]})})})}



About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor, Satire and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Third Party Option

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s