Thumbs: Better Than Tongues

Sometimes, I think telemarketers have me lo-jacked.  I walk in the door, the phone rings.  I’m about to leave, the phone rings.  I wake up in the morning, the phone rings…sometimes, it even wakes me up.  It should be illegal for them to call you.  (At specific times?  There’s already a no-call block during dinner hours [no, just in general {that would eliminate jobs}]).

I’m not saying I want people to not have jobs, I’m just saying, “I hope you enjoy listening to my answering machine message”.  It’s nothing special, just a long loop of 90’s references.  Maybe that’s why they keep calling.

Dang it.  Now I have to change it to one of those generic, “Hey…I’m not here right now.  You know what to do.” messages.  Great.  Those are so boring, no one’s going to leave me any messages.

Wait.  That’s actually perfect.  I hate using my phone for calls.  Phones are for texting.  Who wants to actually talk to someone.  My thumbs can say what my mouth can’t.  They’re way more elegant than my tongue.  It just flops around like a beached whale.  My thumbs can play XBox.

Have you ever tried playing Batman: Arkham Knight with your tongue?  It’s awful.  You’re like the Light Gray Squire.  Even the weakest thug from Penguin’s gang can take you out with an automatic rifle and a few friends.  Totally embarrassing.  Thank the DC comic book gods that Robin isn’t around to see it.  He’d leave you for Superman in an instant.

Thanks a lot, telemarketers.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
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