Celebrities are constantly throwing their weight behind politicians. Sometimes they hope to influence their fan base. Other times, they just want to get their face in the media. Or, they’re looking for information. We eat it up. Just ask Richard Dreyfuss, whose mere presence at Republican candidate rallies caused the media to claim he supported them. This time, however, the celebrity in question has endorsed a candidate.
When last we saw Fat Bastard, who gained fame as a henchman fighting Austin Powers, he had lost a ton of weight (or close to it). However, he could now hang glide. Unfortunately, we must report that he has gained back most of what he lost.
Recently, he’s come forward in support of Planned Parenthood. “Where else” he said, “can I get such an [abundance of] delicacies? You can’t go to the deli and order the other other white meat.”
Of course, Planned Parenthood doesn’t offer to thin cut it for him.
He is outraged about one practice. That they just toss the baby parts into the dumpster. “Can’t they, I don’t know, put them in the freezer in a paper bag with “Save for Fat Bastard” written on it? Is that so hard? A little common courtesy is all I ask. I’m more than happy to take them, free of charge.”
He also, reportedly, wants to help end world hunger. “Even I can only eat so many dead babies a year. I’m willing to share, as long as I get first crack at all the best bits.”
Incidentally, he’s also against contraception.
In other news [i.e. linking back to the opening paragraph], Fat Bastard threw his substantial weight into Hillary Clinton’s campaign for president, saying, “The more we let the babies grow, the better they taste.”
Neither Planned Parenthood nor Hillary Clinton could be reached for comment (not that we actually tried).
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*This article in no way should be construed to link back to Mike Meyer or New Line Cinema, who have no knowledge of this blog (as of posting this).