Things We Consider Facts, But Are Just Theories

These days many of us cling to knowledge like an umbrella in a rainstorm.  But how much of what we know is really just educated guesses?

  1. The Theory of Gravity
    Yes, it’s a theory.  Sure, you can toss a ball into the air and it’ll fall back into your hand and–unless you’re uncoordinated like me–you’ll catch it.  You can even measure the force that pulls things downward [it’s 9.8 m/s/s].  But how do we know it’s not just some a-hole Sith imprisoned at the center of the Earth trying desperately to pull anything into his/her cell to alleviate the boredom?  Maybe this Sith is trying to crash the Moon into the Earth, but can’t sense it and thus pulls everything; thus the constant force.  (Wouldn’t he just use the Force [um, no.  Obviously the number of people on the Earth disrupts his ability to find the Moon; plus, some Jedi might be hiding on the planet to help confuse his senses. duh.])
  2. The Theory of Evolution
    We have yet to find the “Missing Link” between man and ape.  Sure, Homo Sapiens lived with Neanderthals [At least according to an episode of “Bones” I once watched], but that doesn’t prove that we evolved from monkeys.  Or dinosaurs evolved into birds.  Besides, why haven’t we seen any evolution happen?  Humans have been documenting history since, well a long, long time ago.  We’ve yet to see any animals evolve.  Sure, it might take thousands or millions of years, but it could also be that our Medieval ancestors killed all the dragons, griffons, and phoenixes because they tasted better than cows, chickens, and pigs.
    I don’t know about you, but I haven’t seen any chimpanzees learning English, rebelling against their cruel human overlords, and eating man-flesh.  But, I do stay inside, lock my doors, and play video games so…I might’ve missed the regime change.
  3. Climate Change
    It comes as no surprise that humans can cause disruptions to the environment.  We’ve been polluting the planet since we fire learned how to build fire [thanks a lot, Prometheus].  Just look at the smog that hovers over California and China.  What isn’t 100% clear is whether or not this is natural or nature’s response to mankind.  I mean, how accurate has every measurement been?  Maybe Mother Nature’s just experiencing hot flashes…
    Of course, that doesn’t mean we should dump toxic waste into rivers or pollute the air, after all, most of us still live here and Earth will continue to be our home for centuries [if you believe Star Trek].  Besides, who’s going to give up their car for a bike?  It sucks to ride a bike in the snow.  No one likes the mud tail you get from riding in the rain.
  4. The Big Bang Theory
    Why does the universe have more matter than anti-matter?  In the future do warp cores  require so much anti-matter that smugglers time travel to steal it from the past? (Wouldn’t that create a paradox?  Since matter can neither be created nor destroyed [that we know of], what happens to the ships that used the anti-matter in the future but then that anti-matter gets stolen in the past?  [Okay, now I’m confused.]  Let’s say the Enterprise uses anti-matter harvested from Jupiter.  If the Millennium Falcon travels 200 years into the past and harvests that same anti-matter from Jupiter, what happens to the Enterprise once the Falcon returns? [trick question, Han wouldn’t steal {what if it was for a good cause or he needed the money?}])
  5. The Theory of General Relativity
    Einstein was a pretty smart dude, no doubt, but even he had to propose new ideas to help understand the way the universe works.  We’re still trying to determine if he was right [and had a telephone to God] or he just made stuff up.
    Wait, so…Gravity can curve space and time?  That’s some powerful Sith at the center of the Earth.

Did I miss your favorite theory?  Came here thinking I’d discuss Leonard, Sheldon, and the gang?  Sorry.

Thought you’d get some real answers?  Silly internet.  That’s what Wikipedia is for.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor, Satire and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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