Keeping Up with the Boneses: Episode 4, Ignatius Butts In

It’s almost Halloween.  (Yippee!)  Soon, though the decorations will come down [and my brother can stop screaming every time he opens the closet].  Fortunately, there’s still a lot of candy on sale; so I’ll keep buying it…and help my brother achieve his New Year’s resolution [to get fat…er].

We both ate our weight in candy.

We both ate our weight in candy.

Ever try keeping candy in your house when you’ve got a sugar-crazed bat as a roommate?  Donnie Bones can’t gain weight (or even a sugar buzz) thanks to Ignatius.

Until he taught the little guy to share.

Remember folks, Halloween is a time to share your candy with those you love best.  Or those who require you to pay candy taxes.  That’s why there’s always one house on the block that hands out rulers, apples, Good N’ Plenties, or honey bites.  Trust me, you’ll thank them when your siblings and parents come groveling.

Ignatius’ guide to keeping your candy:

Step 1: Remove all your favorite candy from your bag.
Step 2: Hide it somewhere safe (e.g. not under your bed)
Step 3: Smile and hold out your bag to tax collector
Step 4: Let them take as much as they want
Step 5: Lament the lack of good candy this year
Step 6: Wish them a good night and “go to bed”
Step 7: Gorge yourself on your hidden stash

Just remember, know your limits.  It’s not about how much candy you eat, it’s about how much you keep down.

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About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor, Keeping Up with the Boneses and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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