A Mammoth Economic Stimulus Package [Just Don’t Blame Me]

I have thought of a way to stimulate the economy.  An idea that will boost multiple sectors.  The pants industry and the underwear industry, obviously the toy industry, and the pet industry, but also lawyers and medical professionals.  We need to create (recreate) dinosaurs.

I would gladly sell dinosaurs as pets to people.  Obviously, I’d keep a large portion for myself for my own safari; but I wouldn’t be mean and horde them for myself.  I’d share them with the world.

Who wouldn’t want to ride an Ankylosaurus to work?  You’d save on gas mileage (but not time).

Of course, I can’t be held responsible for the actions of pet dinosaurs after I sell them [just like the government, I only take responsibility for the actions people approve of].  There would need to be a release for.  Is the pet store culpable for the actions of dogs and cats?

Or strays.  Strays wouldn’t be my fault.  Spay and neuter your pets, people.  Or monitor them very strictly.

That’s where the pants industry gets its boost.  Could you image driving down the highway and a T-Rex runs out of the trees toward the street?  I’d definitely crap my pants (bring my my brown pants!).  I keep a pair of pants [or two] in my trunk as spares.  Underwear, too.

There are small dinosaurs, so we’d have purse-dinos and large, friendly dinosaurs.  I’m sure someone would start an underground fighting ring [I’m not responsible, but I would like a cut of the profits].  There’d be crazy dino ladies with houses full of dinosaurs.

Every kid has their favorite dino.  Between my two brothers and I, none of us share the same favorite [Ankylosaurus, Triceratops, and Stegosaurus].

And we wouldn’t just sell herbivores, though, doubtless they’d be our most popular.  People love carnivores.  There’s something enticing about a pet that can kill you (people have had pet leopards).

That’s where lawyers and doctors come in.  Not just specialized veterinarians, but people doctors.  After all, someone will need to treat the injuries of owners who mistreat their dinos or who don’t watch them carefully and they escape containment to terrorize the neighborhood [again, not my fault].

I suppose, not everyone thinks owning dinosaurs is a good idea.  Those who don’t, however, well…they can get eaten…er, I mean, will eventually come around.  Once they see how cool owning a dinosaur really is.

I love it and so will you.

What’s not to love?  From swimming with Hadrosaurs to flying with Pterosaurs, running from Dromaeosaurs with Ornithomimisaurs to gallivanting with Ceratopsians (the running, screaming, and dying?).  Okay, so there might be some downfalls and complaints, at first; however, I’m confident all the naysayers will get eaten come around and all the kinks work themselves out.

And not just dinosaurs.  I’ve already mentioned Pterosaurs, but other extinct creatures as well.  Ichthyosaurs and mammoths, giant sloths and dire wolves, Plesiosaurs, etc.  We’d have the gamut.  For a marginal cost.  But, really, can you put a price on wonder, enchantment, or pants-crapping awesomeness?

So, which dinosaur or dinosaurs would you choose?  I’ll start a pre-order list.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor, Nerdiness and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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