Zombie Prep USA Edition

People get so consumed by prepping for the zombie apocalypse.  It’s not really that hard.  First, though, you need to decide where will be the best place to hole up.

Northern states: Nice in summer, cold in winter.  The winter would help keep food preserved longer (assuming there’s no electricity).  However, it would also keep the zombies from decaying faster.

Southern states: Hot in summer, mild in winter.  It’d be nice no having to worry about finding a winter coat and blankets, though it gets mighty hot in summer and sunscreen may be hard to find.  However, the heat might make zombies a bit more active and less lethargic (assuming they act like lizards?).

Next you need to choose East Coast, West Coast, Midwest, Appalachia, the Great Plains, or somewhere in between.  Anywhere’s great, just as long as it isn’t the desert.  Urban areas provide more buildings for shelter and scavenging supplies, but also more zombies and looters.  Rural areas are more spread out so there’s more warning of approaching zombies and unwanted visitors, but you need to range farther to find supplies.

Supplies you’ll need:

  1. Machete
  2. Canned food
  3. Bow and arrows or crossbow and bolts (who knows how hard bullets will be to find)
  4. Ax
  5. Flashlight (solar powered is best)
  6. A lot of batteries
  7. Plenty of clean underwear (who wants to be buried in dirty underwear? {there’s not a lot of time to dawdle, so just change your underwear but wear the same dirty clothes on top, you’ll still feel clean…under the layers or mud and grim})
  8. Good shoes (a nail in the foot can really hamper your survival)
  9. Shelter
  10. Reliable friends and teammates (preferably with a variety of skills {like hot-wiring cars, picking locks, shooting})
  11. A car with great gas mileage (who knows if gas pumps still work?)
  12. A trusty sidearm
  13. A survival knife
  14. A hat (sunburn is no fun)
  15. Sunglasses
  16. First aid kits
  17. Iodine tablets or a portable water filter [no one wants to get sick from drinking water]

Just think of it as an extended camping trip…where people are trying to steal your stuff and there are worse things in the woods than grizzlies.

About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Zombie Prep USA Edition

  1. Almost Iowa says:

    I’d choose North Dakota. You can see zombies coming for twenty miles, plus everyone knows everyone. “Oh look, it’s Daryl Hanson. Didn’t Daryl die the week before last?”

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