According to the Associated News Weekly Press Journal, President Obama announced last week plans to restart the United States’ space program, citing low approval ratings (especially from Trekkies). He even announced a new cabinet position, the Chairman Undersecretary of Planning (a different undersecretary than the position made famous by President Clinton), appointing Donald Trump to the new seat. Commenting on Trump’s appointment, President Obama said, “He claimed he could put a colony on the moon. Can he do it? Yes we can! America is a great nation. Our manifest destiny was realized once; it is time to shoot for the stars. Yes we can!”
The announcement is a surprise flip from the president’s previous stance; however, it is another jab at the Russians. “We shouldn’t rely on the Russians to get us to space,” said President Obama. “We beat them to the moon and we’ll beat them to it again.” Speculation over whether this has anything to do with a potential US boycott of the Sochi Winter Games is uncertain.
One thing, however, is certain: most of the world wouldn’t mind a US boycott (more gold medals to go around).
Donald Trump graciously accepted the posting, saying, “We’ve got the right man for the job. And I have just one thing to say to anyone who disagrees: You’re fired!”
No word yet on how long the program will wait before starting to send astronauts into space. Or if colonial expansion efforts will entice the British to attempt to reclaim their imperial heritage (what time is tea time in space?).