As you might assume (correctly) I was a bit of a class clown…for various reasons; choose any of the pop psych rationals that fit your fancy.
But does being a class clown mean I would be a terrible teacher (yes)?
I mean, I could make learning fun. But, I think I’d rather make giving detention fun. After all, most students spend more time in detention than class these days (is that a real statistic?). Why not make it fun for the teacher? It doesn’t have to be a chore. It could be enjoyable.
For instance, if students starting school cheers in class, I’d just clap along until they stopped then chant: “D-E-TEN-TION” point at them and say, “You just got one!”
If a student fell asleep in class, I’d slowly creep over to his desk, get really close, and stare at him until he woke up [can’t flick his ear though, unfortunately]. Either that or I’d just stick a detention slip to his forehead and continue teaching class.
If a student didn’t have the textbook, I’d just text the disciplinarian (do schools still have those?) and ask him to escort the student to the book store to buy the textbook. Of course, I’d then have to give myself detention for using a phone during class…totally worth it!
My brother came up with the idea of a contest between teachers to see who can give the most detentions (the students don’t need to know if it’s a real contest). But, what would other teachers bet? Less final exams to proctor? Detention moderation duties? I don’t know, but I’m sure there’s something.
Of course, near the end of the quarter/semester you’ll get students asking what they can do to raise their grade. My response would be, “Those 4 homework assignments you didn’t do? Yeah, they’d have really helped your grade.” We all know teachers would like to make students wash their cars or stand alongside the road with a sign (the latest rage among parents) that reads: I didn’t do the work originally, but I wanted to do something to improve my grade.
Yeah, I’d probably get a lot of complaints from parents [can you get fired the first day of school?]. But, I’m sure my students would love seeing me give detentions; they just wouldn’t want to be the ones humiliated…um, maybe humiliation isn’t the best motivation…meh, it’s high school/middle school/junior high everyone’s humiliated, right?