People often ask, “Is the Pope Catholic?”. It’s a common question. If I ask my brother, who is a teacher, “Do you have school today?”, he might reply with a question of his own, “Is the Pope Catholic?”.
Good news. We finally have an answer. A new study (great use of taxpayer dollars) has concluded that the pope is, in fact, Catholic.
The lead researcher at Totally Useless Studies Inc., Nemo Cares, stated a variety of methods were used to test whether or not the pope was actually Catholic. First and foremost, however, they just asked him.
When Pope Francis was asked to comment, he answered, “Of course I’m Catholic, I’m the archbishop of Rome, aren’t I?”
(It seems the issue is surrounded by questions.)
Next, the study looked at his policies. He venerates Mary, the mother of Jesus. He helps the poor and needy. He is an unmarried, celibate male clergyman. All the indicators are there.
“Still, we weren’t completely convinced,” assistant researcher, Lidia Flatts, revealed. “The scientific process demanded satisfaction.”
The researchers delved deeper into his past and discovered he was born in the middle-class, cooked his own meals, and rode the bus. If that doesn’t make him Catholic nothing does (…unless we’re talking about Catholics in North America).
It seems the first Jesuit pope, the first pope from South America, the first pope from outside Europe, the first pope named Francis is an undisputed Catholic.
So, the next time someone asks you, “Is the Pope Catholic?” Answer with confidence, “Yes.”