Well, it’s Ash Wednesday and I need a little help deciding what to give up for Lent. It’s fairly simple, yet totally complex. It’s hard to strike the right balance between the things I hate to eat and the things I hate doing. Wait, I mean, the things I love and the food I love eating. Yeah, that’s probably right.
But do I follow the Pope’s example? He’s given up being the Pope for Lent. However, we all know how much I
hate love my job; so that’s not much of a sacrifice.
Or do I follow the IOC’s example? This one’s more of a cheat, since it won’t start until 2020. Plus, it’s totally lame. I mean, why drop wrestling? It’s only one of the oldest and longest Olympic sports. That’d be like dropping archery or discus (I’d mention gymnastics, but that’s never going away [fingers crossed]). Or adding golf.
Talk about crushing dreams. Now what are young athletes who can’t play basketball (read: white kids [some white boys can sink threes]) supposed to do during winter? What aspirations do they have now? Win a high school state championship? Wrestle collegiately? Win an NCAA title? Become a World Champion? Sure, those are great stepping stones. But everyone knows the Olympics are the dream, man. I suppose now all we have left is WWE (I can’t believe I even mentioned that in an article about real wrestling. Bodybuilding or acting, sure. [Now you see how desperate I am.])
Now my intake of wrestling is even more limited. I’ll have to survive on MHSAA live streams of state titles (on *shudder* the internet) and the Big Ten championships. Thank you so much, IOC.
I’d write my congressman, but we all know politicians work less than I do (and that is saying something).
Of course, the IOC’s timing couldn’t be more perfect. I’d go on a hunger strike to protest (and cut weight) but it’s Lent so people will just say, “Oh, he’s fasting.” Not cool, IOC, not cool.
They’re trying to streamline the Olympics? Really? A wrestling match lasts maybe 10 minutes. I can sit through one without needing a bathroom break. A golf round lasts…well, I don’t know since I’ve never watched one. (How long does it take paint to dry or grass to grow?) I’m guessing two weeks.
This is a traveshamockery! (Never thought I’d legitimately quote a beer commercial.) Cheese and rice, first it was baseball and softball. Now’s it’s wrestling. What’s next? Curling (ps. who doesn’t love a good curling match? Am I right, Canada?)? Get your heads out of your butts, IOC.