Whose Example to Follow?

Well, it’s Ash Wednesday and I need a little help deciding what to give up for Lent.  It’s fairly simple, yet totally complex.  It’s hard to strike the right balance between the things I hate to eat and the things I hate doing.  Wait, I mean, the things I love and the food I love eating.  Yeah, that’s probably right.

But do I follow the Pope’s example?  He’s given up being the Pope for Lent.  However, we all know how much I hate love my job; so that’s not much of a sacrifice.

Or do I follow the IOC’s example?  This one’s more of a cheat, since it won’t start until 2020.  Plus, it’s totally lame.  I mean, why drop wrestling?  It’s only one of the oldest and longest Olympic sports.  That’d be like dropping archery or discus (I’d mention gymnastics, but that’s never going away [fingers crossed]).  Or adding golf.

Talk about crushing dreams.  Now what are young athletes who can’t play basketball (read: white kids [some white boys can sink threes]) supposed to do during winter?  What aspirations do they have now?  Win a high school state championship?  Wrestle collegiately?  Win an NCAA title?  Become a World Champion?  Sure, those are great stepping stones.  But everyone knows the Olympics are the dream, man.  I suppose now all we have left is WWE (I can’t believe I even mentioned that in an article about real wrestling.  Bodybuilding or acting, sure.  [Now you see how desperate I am.])

Now my intake of wrestling is even more limited.  I’ll have to survive on MHSAA live streams of state titles (on *shudder* the internet) and the Big Ten championships.  Thank you so much, IOC.

I’d write my congressman, but we all know politicians work less than I do (and that is saying something).

Of course, the IOC’s timing couldn’t be more perfect.  I’d go on a hunger strike to protest (and cut weight) but it’s Lent so people will just say, “Oh, he’s fasting.”  Not cool, IOC, not cool.

They’re trying to streamline the Olympics?  Really?  A wrestling match lasts maybe 10 minutes.  I can sit through one without needing a bathroom break.  A golf round lasts…well, I don’t know since I’ve never watched one.  (How long does it take paint to dry or grass to grow?)  I’m guessing two weeks.

This is a traveshamockery!  (Never thought I’d legitimately quote a beer commercial.)  Cheese and rice, first it was baseball and softball.  Now’s it’s wrestling.  What’s next?  Curling (ps. who doesn’t love a good curling match? Am I right, Canada?)?  Get your heads out of your butts, IOC.

Sincerely,
Everyone

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About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor, Olympics, Satire, Sports and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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