It’s so hot! That’s got to be a sign, right? I mean, we’re reaching never seen (you mean, nearly reaching records that were set in the 70s).
I’m pretty sure I know what’s happening. This is the beginning of the end. Hell on Earth. Literally. The massive wildfire in Colorado is just the beginning. You’ll see. Soon, it’ll be raining fire and brimstone. We’ll have a full-on Sodom and Gomorrah on our hands.
Repent. The end is near.
There’s little time left to prepare. I hope you’ve taken the recent zombie attacks to heart. There’ll soon be an outbreak, an epidemic. Then, there won’t be time to plan or gather supplies and loved ones. There’ll only be time to fight or die in the lawless chaos that’ll consume our existence (it’ll be like the Old West with zombies?).
Stay on course, true believers. Hunker down in your bunkers, hoarding supplies. Everyone may give you strange looks now, but you’ll be glad you kept that ax near the door when they come looking for hand outs.