Lessons in Mouse Catching

Attempt #1:
*sneak, sneak, sneak*
“Oh, hello there.”
“You weren’t supposed to see me. Don’t mind me.  I don’t have anything behind my back.”
“You don’t believe me?”

Attempt #2:

You see a mouse wriggling out from underneath your basement door.  Are you sure it’s a mouse?  What is that weird thing?  Oh, yep.  Definitely a mouse.
Insert terrified, high-pitched scream…er, I mean, bloodcurdling war-cry (oddly, it sounds a like like Goofy falling down the stairs…except filled with terror).
Grab nearest TV Guide and throw it (it’s surprisingly accurate).
Stand on couch and hope the hard binding killed the mouse.  At this point, your neighbors have probably called the cops due to all the screaming.

Attempt #3:

Buy poison pellets and distribute them throughout your house and garage.
Walk into garage one morning to find a twitching mouse.
Muffle scream since it’s 6 AM.
Step over mouse and scramble into your car, locking the doors.  (You never know which mouse will rise up and begin the zombie plague.)
Scoop up the mouse with a shovel, after work (or when your brother comes home, make him do it).

Attempt #4:

Buy the disposable traps (not the classic wood spring traps, though; nope, definitely don’t want to see the dead mouse or touch it).
Keep traps in garage (that way, when mice get caught in them, you can forget about them without smelling up your entire house).
Trapped mice serve as an excellent warning to other mice.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
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