If Nerds Rules the Earth

I’m sure by now we’ve all see the demotivational poster with the baby wearing a “Level 1 Human” onsie, right?  (If not you really should.)  And know that nerds have begun to breed.  Nerds are a popular demographic currently, especially in Hollywood.  After all, most nerds have jobs in the tech industry so they have disposable income to throw around.  Why not make movies and TV shows that cater to them?  It’s obvious they are the 1% who will buy the toys collectible action figures and stage props.

But what if we really let the nerds loose?  I mean, sure, they may be guiding our technological development, but they aren’t controlling it.  They aren’t the ones in-charge.  If they were, things might look a lot different.

1. We’d have hovercraft, not like what we currently have that ride on balloons and air, with actual anti-gravity.  Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, but there’s already a guy working on a hoverbike in his spare time.

2. The United States wouldn’t cancel the space program.  Instead, we’d search for ways to explore the stars.  And we’d currently be constructing a generation ship in orbit.  (A generation ship is designed to explore the stars with currently available propulsion technology while its population ages and breeds normally.)

3. Teleporters.  Yeah, we’d have them.  And spellcheck (really spellcheck isn’t part of spellcheck’s vocabulary…baby steps) would recognize it as a word.

4. Everything would be touch screen.  Yes, Steve Jobs and Apple have come a long way in innovation, but we are not a completely hands-free society, yet.

5. Global wireless.  We are fairly close, but nerds would give us free wireless, like HD TV, we’d just have to pay extra for a faster connection (and who wouldn’t?).

6. The ability to play MMOs across multiple platforms.  It’s frustrating that we can’t play Halo between PCs and XBoxs, but with the help of nerds, we’d be able to play games on Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo, and PC machines with each other.

7. Receiving a promotion at work would be called leveling-up.  (Hey, they can’t all be awesome.)

8. Tang would make a comeback.  If it’s good enough for astronauts, it’s good enough for me.

9. We’d be working toward hyperspace travel, somehow.  Oh, and lightsabers.  Definitely.

10. Pocket protectors and short sleeved dress shirts would be all the rage.  (Sorry, had to include one negative stereotype, right?).

It truly would be a brave, new world (whether you want to call it Nerdvana or Nerdtopia is completely up to you).

I’m not too ashamed to say that I would want to live there.  Who wouldn’t?  We’d do all of our reading, including textbooks, in comic book form, we’d have sign-up sheets for people interested in traveling through the stars, and …we’d probably die off because nerds can’t talk to girls.  Unless nerds made technological advances to prolong the human lifespan…though, I’m not sure Earth is ready for cyborgs.

Crap, Armageddon is going to be a combination of a zombie apocalypse and a machine revolution.  Maybe we’re better off keeping the nerds marginalized.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
This entry was posted in Humor, Nerdiness and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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