Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have superpowers or magical abilities. I can’t be the only one, can I? (Hey, I work at a toy store and get paid minimum wage–wait, what’s minimum wage? Let me check my paycheck–what do you expect?) I walk around my house pretending to shoot fireballs at lamps, lightning at the cat (which is why I don’t have a cat)…it’s not really mine, it just wanders into the yard, slash door frames with adamantium claws (I’m beginning to see why I’m still single…), and ignite candles with a snap.
But, the day I actually light a candle with my finger will cause an explosion in my pants…and not the good kind (there’s a good kind?). I’d run away screaming. And, since I didn’t extinguish the candle, probably burn down my house.
I won’t lie. After that initial shock, and once I’ve found a new place to live (i.e. my parents’ basement), I’ll probably devote my life to mastering my new-found abilities and strive to better my social status. Hopefully, I won’t turn to a life of crime, but I won’t completely rule that out (after all, there are those dreams of burning down the toy store…crap does this count as premeditation?). Who’s to say I’m not driven mad by the power or that it has some terrible price each time I use it, like losing memories?
So, maybe it’s best that I holster my ambitions of becoming a superhero for the sake of my own sanity and all of humanity.