We all know there is a demand for more jobs in America. But companies are still outsourcing to foreign powers. I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy to bring America down. We are the best nation on the planet, after all; it’s only natural someone might be jealous. Or, maybe, it’s a way to get a foothold in other countries so we can insert spies (have I said too much?).
Well, while I wait for the FBI, CIA, or NSA to knock on my door, I might as well finish this post. I hear there’s a new company seeking laborers. Here’s the ad (with my comments in parentheses):
There are plenty of unemployed people right here in the good old U.S. of A. We’ve seen them on our commutes to work or when we volunteer. But, what’s being done to create jobs? Clearly there is a demand for labor. There’s no lack of manufacturing jobs. So, why not create those jobs here?
Plenty of starving people wouldn’t mind sharing a room with four other strangers (it’ll be just like college), eating at a nearby cafeteria (again, like college), and sitting around doing the same task all day (still sounds like college, to me–writing papers, anyone?). We provide for all your needs.
It’s better than sitting on the street. Our factory is proven to block the wind, snow, sun, and rain. And you’ll make money. In order to be competitive, however, we will give you 40 cents an hour. (Hey, that’s better than China.) And you’ll have to work 36 hours a day (just like pulling an all-nighter!). If you get bored, there’s always the opportunity to leap off the building into a safety net (awesome! who doesn’t want to do that? It’s like bungee jumping without the cord!). It’s fun for all ages.
I know I’ll be applying shortly. It’ll totally be worth it when I hold that iPod in my hand and know that I was part of its creation (Besides, there’s got to be some sort of employee discount, right?). So I’m saving my pennies, because I’ll be able to afford one in about 17 years (which is the same amount of time as with my current salary and bills). iPod Touch 22nd generation, watch out! I’m coming for you. Can I reserve one now? I can even start making small payments…once I get this new job.
I call dibs on my roommate’s chair if there’s a mishap with the nets.