America Jr. Needs to Join the Bandwagon

It’s time for Canada to join the United States.  I know people have been saying if for years (probably decades); but enough lollygagging.  If we wait too long, they’ll never join us.  And we need their economy to stable ours.

The Canadian dollar is nearly equal to the American dollar.  Do you know how depressing that is?  People can actually pay with Canadian money here in America and it’s pretty much the same (the current exchange rate is 1 US dollar to 1.o2 Canadian dollars).  If our dollar drops any lower, Canada will have no incentive to join us…unless we issue a “join us or die” campaign.

I mean, come one, Canadian hockey teams fell into decline and had to move because of the players’ demands to be paid in US dollars.  Now, the hockey teams are moving back to Canada.  What’s next?  Lacrosse becomes a nationally recognized sport?  Pretty soon you’ll see kids curling on frozen lakes.

We need to draw a line in the sand.  Canada needs to join us so we can influence them, not the other way around.  We need to expand our empire.  We once had the ambition to stretch from sea to sea.  Well, now let’s achieve it north and south, not just east and west.  For too long, Alaska has been disconnected from the rest of the union.  I say no more (sorry Hawaii but you’ll have to wait for a bridge until we’ve conquered Canada).

The hardest part about fighting in Canada is the weather.  It’s so cold there, we might as well fight in Siberia.  And we all know how well that worked out for the Germans.  The fact that there are only three cities in Canada gives them a strategic advantage, however.  They only need to muster troops in three places and hold their defenses against our barrage: Toronto (the capital), Vancouver (the city farthest west), and Ontario.

But, inevitably, they will fall to our might.  And, once those three fall, the rest of the country will fall in line.  Then we can start getting syrup for free and hockey players at a discount and maybe then we’ll return to our gold medal dominance of that sport, the way we were meant to.

We will form the first American Empire.  It is our destiny.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
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