Jealousy and the Child Author

Damn, what have I been doing with my life?  I mean, here I am sitting behind a computer and watching TV while this nine year-old is a published author.  I’d better get my butt in gear, I’m three times his age with less to show for it.  I should have at least three times the success, right?

I need to start working on a children’s Casanova novel, maybe then I’ll have more success.  I mean, if a nine year-old can do it…  Wait, I have no success with girls.  Maybe I should read his book, then write one of my own.  This kid has more game than the NBA–oh, the lockout’s over, um, can’t it still apply?–and has a good soundbite.  Plus, he’s better looking than me.

These are the keys to novel success*:
1. Create a good soundbite
2. Repeat your soundbite to everyone
3. Good looks

Follow that model and soon you’ll be a successful novelist like young Alec Greven.  Unless you want to write fantasy novels, then you need to grow a sweet beard, keep your hair long, and wear cool hats.  That’s how Robert Jordan did it and that’s how we all should do it, too.  Oh, and take up a hobby, like sword collecting or pipe collecting…I don’t think comic book collecting counts; but I could be wrong (crossing my fingers).

*Disclaimer: I have done little research into novel success.  Your results may vary.


About bkreuch

I like to read, I like to write, and I like to make people laugh.
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